


Watching You Without Me

by pressdbtwnpages



Category: Jonas Brothers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-28
Updated: 2010-02-28
Packaged: 2017-10-17 18:59:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressdbtwnpages/pseuds/pressdbtwnpages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Kevin shows up on Joe's doorstep kind of randomly... to keep an eye on Joe.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching You Without Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://elterriblefizzy.livejournal.com/profile)[**elterriblefizzy**](http://elterriblefizzy.livejournal.com/). Title from Kate Bush's song "Watching You Without Me".

_**[Jonas Brothers] Watching You Without Me**_  
Characters: Joe/Kevin  
Word Count: 3,112  
Rating: PG  
Summary: _Kevin shows up on Joe's doorstep kind of randomly... to keep an eye on Joe._  
Notes: Written for [](http://elterriblefizzy.livejournal.com/profile)[**elterriblefizzy**](http://elterriblefizzy.livejournal.com/). Title from Kate Bush's song "Watching You Without Me".

Kevin shows up on Joe's doorstep kind of randomly and says too fast, "I'm worried about you, going out all the time, drinking. I just. I'm worried about how you're doing without Nick."

Joe laughs kind of bitterly but then shrugs it off and hugs Kevin tight, "How long are you in town?

Kevin's not planning to be around long, just a mini-intervention for Joe. Maybe to hang out for a couple of nights to keep an eye on Joe and scare Garbo and Jack straight, not that he really thinks they're the problem.

Joe's surprisingly pleasant about Kevin dropping by. He was supposed to go to some premiere or something and Kevin's encourages him to go. "Go. Be good. I'll see you back here."

"Naah. Lets stay in, play some Monopoly."

Kevin thinks he's kidding until he sees Monopoly set up, the little metal shoe waiting for him.

Joe makes these really awesome chicken tacos that are super messy to eat, especially while trying to play board games, but they laugh a lot. It's nice. Joe keeps chasing off his roommates, which Kevin thinks is kind of rude and weird, but it's not like they didn't know what they were signing up for, living with Joe.

Joe's a shockingly good host. At bedtime he lingers outside the guestroom for awhile, making sure Kevin has a toothbrush and a glass of water and enough blankets. He seems almost reluctant to go when he double-checks with Kevin that he knows where to find Joe if he needs him.

Kevin falls asleep smiling. He can probably fly home even sooner than he thought. Joe's doing so good on his own. That thought only hurts a little.

When Kevin says that over breakfast, really good French Toast that Joe brought in to him, Joe looks angry. He doesn't say anything, though, except, "I have plans today, you can keep yourself occupied, right?"

Joe doesn't come back until about 3 in the morning. Kevin's waiting on the couch. He doesn't. He doesn't understand. Doesn't know what to do. He's always understood Joe. Or at least understood the things he didn't understand about him. But this. This doesn't make any sense.

Joe's drunk, really drunk, when he sprawls onto the couch and Kevin really, really hopes he wasn't driving.

"Heeeeey," Joe beams happily at him, nuzzling close and letting Kevin hug him.

"Joe, where were you?"

Joe shrugs elaborately, moving both of them with the way they're tangled. "Was mad at you. Made David hang out with me. Then drove around. Made some new friends. They din't have cameras though. Checked."

Joe rests his head on Kevin's shoulder.

"Why, Joe?"

"Din't want pictures. Din't want to get yelled at," Joe shrugs again, dislodging himself. Kevin misses the weight of his little brother's head on his shoulder.

"I mean, why were you mad at me?"

Joe's eyes are glittery with alcohol when he looks Kevin in the eye. "You left me."

"I know it feels like that. For me too. But Nick needs to do this. He needs the chance to grow up without us for awhile."

"Not Nick," Joe says forcefully. "Nick's Nick, he," Joe waves his hands around meaninglessly, but Kevin appreciates his point. Sometimes their little brother is best rendered in hand gestures. "You. You left, Kevin. You left us first. Left _me_."

Kevin's not really sure what Joe is talking about and says so.

"I thought we were a team," Joe says looking at his feet in the dark. "All of us, but you and me when Nick got too... Nick."

"We are," Kevin reaches for Joe, tugging him back so they're snuggled against each other again.

"Then how come you're in Dallas with Dani and I'm all alone?"

"I'm right here. I came to visit you because I'm worried about you. But, Joe, Joey, you chose this."

Joe pulls away. Kevin feels bereft. He honestly thinks he might cry because his brother isn't warm at his side, is standing up and looking disappointedly at Kevin.

"I didn't choose anything, Kev. You moved on, moved away, and I'm doing the best I can to keep going. If I could have chosen," Joe swallows hard, Kevin can make out his bobbing Adam's apple in the moonlight. "If I could have chosen, I would have chosen you."

Kevin stares after him as Joe turns and walks away, drunk enough to be unsteady on his feet, though Kevin has no doubt that Joe just told him the absolute truth. He just wishes he understood what Joe meant.

It's too late to call Nick, and that's who Kevin really wants to talk to. Nick gets the things about Joe that he misses.

From upstairs, Kevin hears a heavy thud and muffled cursing. Figuring out Joe's head can wait, making sure Joe doesn't maim himself before morning is Kevin's priority

By the time Kevin gets upstairs though, Joe has managed to collapse face-first on his bed. He's breathing his deep, sleep heavy not quite snores and his shoes and skinny jeans are still on.

Kevin sighs, annoyed only because he thinks he should be. Mostly he is so, so glad Joe still needs him.

He pulls off Joe's shoes, carefully peels off Joe's pants, and gets Joe under his covers. Kevin folds Joe's jeans neatly and leaves them on top of Joe's dresser, lining up his shoes neatly near by. He fetches a glass of water and two aspirin to put on Joe's nightstand.

Kevin watches Joe sleep from the doorway. He's having trouble leaving. The guest room downstairs seems impossibly far away.

Joe grumbles and turns over in his sleep, clutching convulsively at someone who isn't there.

Kevin makes up his mind and pulls Joe's door shut before climbing into bed next to him.

Kevin jerks himself awake every couple of hours to make sure Joe hasn't choked to death on his own vomit or anything. Joe's fine. Joe's sleeping with his arm wrapped around Kevin's waist and his head on Kevin's chest. It shouldn't be comfortable, but somehow it is. Kevin sighs, his breath ruffling Joe's hair, and, even though he's tangled up with him, he misses his brother so much it hurts.

Around 8 a.m., Joe starts to make grumbly noises and tries to hide in Kevin's shirt.

Kevin rubs Joe's back as best he can from this awkward angle, hand drifting up to comb through his hair. Joe's pretty easy for petting, and Kevin can't help smiling as Joe's grumbles turn into happier mumbles and he uncurls from the tight little ball he was working himself into.

"Hey," Kevin says softly. "Wake up, okay? Have some water and some medicine so you can sleep more."

"Mmm," Joe agrees sleepily rolling away and fumbling around his nightstand. He finds the aspirin Kevin laid out, and the water, and as he swallows the liquid he splutters. "Kev?! Kevin? What are you doing in here?"

"I didn't want to leave you alone. You were in pretty bad shape last night." Joe relaxes a little. "Finish your water and come lay down. It's early."

Joe obeys, chugging the water and laying back down. Instead of curling back up with Kevin as he expected, hoped, Joe crams himself as close to the edge of the bed as he can.

"Joe?" Kevin asks, hurt.

Joe burrows into his pillow. "Sleepin'."

Kevin can't very well stay in Joe's bed when his brother obviously doesn't want him there. "I'm gonna go."

Joe looks up at him. "Go?"

"Yeah. Are you gonna be able to eat breakfast later?"

Joe slumps back into his pillow. "Uh-huh."

"Awesome. Maybe we can go out."

Joe makes a frustrated sounding noise into his pillow.

"Come find me when you get up."

Kevin goes back to the guestroom, grabs his phone, and does some quick timezone calculations. He's pretty sure Nick will be up.

"Kev, hey," Nick sounds like he's smiling. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Do you have some time to talk?"

"Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?" Nick sounds worried. Kevin hears the familiar sound of a bunk curtain being closed.

"I'm visiting Joe. I was worried about him and -" Nick barks out a sharp laugh.

"You have to stop keeping tabs on us through OceanUp, Kevin. It's weird"

"And kind of messed up that my brothers won't talk to me and OceanUp is the only way I can find out what's up with you guys."

Nick snorts.

"We can talk about Joe, or we can talk about you. And Selena. And how 2008 is so two years ago."

"So," Nick says smoothly, "what's the matter with Joe?"

Kevin snickers, but he gets back to business quickly. "He's being weird. All... social. And making bad choices."

"Um, Kevin? He's _Joe_. Whatever happened to just being relieved that he hadn't accidentally leaked nude pictures of himself?"

"I started worrying that that was an actual possibility!"

Nick sighs. "It's not, Kevin. He's just. He's figuring stuff out. How to be just Joe."

"I know! That's why I flew out. I figured he was missing you and that maybe I could distract him."

"I've never been Joe's problem, Kevin."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Nick sighs again. The sighing is getting seriously old. "I mean, yeah. He misses me. I miss you guys. Being apart, touring without you guys, is weird. But Joe doesn't _miss me_ , miss me."

" _Miss you_ , miss you? What is this, Junior High? Are you going to tell me you _like_ like Selena next?"

"I thought we agreed to leave Selena out of this. And me, too."

Kevin sighs. It's like it's freaking contagious. "I'm just worried about him, Nick. He was fine the first day, so I offered to get out of his hair, leave early, and he came home drunk 16 hours later. I just. I don't want Joe getting hurt."

"Too late for that, Kev."

"What does that even mean? Do you know what's wrong with Joe or don't you?"

Kevin can hear Nick suppress his sigh. He appreciates it. "Kevin. He misses you."

"Okay. And I miss him. But I'm here and-"

" _Misses you_ , misses you. Not the way he misses me, or I miss you guys, or you miss me. Or maybe the way you miss him. Which is why we've never, ever talked about this. Because it could ruin everything."

"...I. I'm confused. You're saying Joe loves me best?"

"It's seriously such a good thing I'm on the other side of the country and can't hit you right now."

"Seriously, Nick."

"Seriously, Kevin. Joe's crazy about you. Loves you. And when he tried to tell you, you announced that you were marrying Dani."

"Wait. Sorry. I must not be all the way awake yet. I thought you-"

"KEVIN!" Nick shouts, right into his ear, the brat. "Joe loves you. Like mom loves dad. Like Minnie loves Mickey. Like. Like. Like people in love love each other!"

And then Nick hangs up on him.

Kevin's a little mad at him, because now he's lost the chance to mock Nick for describing Minnie and Mickey when he was trying to come up with epic romances, but mostly he's okay with Nick hanging up, because he really needs to process.

He doesn't. He doesn't know what to do. Or think. Or. Or anything. Joe... loves him? How? Why? WHY? Why him? Kevin's just a loser who loves shoes and is okay at guitar and has an awesome family and is kind of good at working out the business side of things. All of which Joe knows. Better than anyone. So why, why on earth would Joe be in love with him?

Kevin's phone beeps with a text. It's from Nick. "You can call me when you're done freaking out".

"Thanks," Kevin sends back. He has the best little brother in the world.

Kevin is not done freaking out. Kevin is nowhere done freaking out when Joe pops his head into the room. He's dressed, his hair is maybe brushed, and his sunglasses are already on. "You wanted to go to breakfast?"

"Uh. Um. Yeah. Sure. Just let me," Kevin gestures to the pajamas he's still wearing.

"No problem. Just, keep it simple, huh, Kev? Jeans. Shirt. 10 minutes?"

Kevin groans. "Yeah, yeah."

Joe closes the door and Kevin immediately panics. He texts Nick. "goin to breakfast with joe HELP!"

He starts to pick out his clothes, but then he wonders if this counts as a date. Date clothes are totally different than brunch with your brother clothes. Unless it's a date to brunch with your brother. Just as Kevin's worked himself up to panicking Nick texts him.

"its JOE" Which, valid point, kind of. Kevin's just grateful Nick didn't tack a 'you loser' on to the end of it. His phone beeps again. Nick. Hopefully with actual advice this time. "you loser"

Joe knocks on the door. "Kev? Ready?"

"Why are you in such a hurry, aren't you hungover?" Kevin asks, snatching at the nearest pair of pants and shirt.

"Maybe I just want to break bread with my favorite big brother. Is that so wrong, Kev? Is it?"

The thing is, Joe sounds perfectly normal. Kevin's seen Joe pinning away. He's seen Joe after breakups. This isn't any of those things. It's hardly fair to blame him for not noticing anything when Joe's been acting perfectly normal!

Kevin pulls open the door, wondering if Nick's just playing a really elaborate, and kind of mean, prank. But he's not blind, he sees the way Joe straightens up when he sees him. The way Joe lights up just a little bit. It reminds Kevin of Dani, and it shouldn't. It _shouldn't_.

Joe opens the door for Kevin and ushers him out. Kevin tries to remember if that's something Joe's always done, or if he's being wooed.

Joe gives him a funny look as he passes Kevin waiting on the stoop.

"What's with you?" Joe asks as the walk. "You're being weird."

"Maybe I'm worried about you." It's not a lie, because he is worried about Joe. It's just also nothing like the whole truth.

Joe sighs. "I'm sorry I went crazy on you last night. I shouldn't have done any of that. I just... it's weird being alone. Sometimes I color too far outside my own lines."

Kevin sighs, climbing into Joe's massively oversized vehicle. "I don't even know if we're having a real conversation, Joe. And that sucks so much. I don't know if it's you or me, but I can't read you lately."

Joe looks hurt as he pulls on to the street. "It's a real conversation. What do you mean, it's not?"

"Like, are you lying to me? And telling me the things that you think are the right answers instead of the truth? Because we're brothers, man. We're a team. We're not supposed to lie about stuff like that."

"I'm not lying!" Joe shouts, slamming his hand against his steering wheel. "I regret bailing on you yesterday. And getting drunk! I wish you were around more, but maybe it's better that you aren't. Maybe you guys need to get used to me being alone."

Every word Joe says cuts into Kevin, even though he knows Joe doesn't mean them to. It's just, knowing what he knows now, he can't help but sympathize with Joe.

"It kills me that I'm hurting you, Joe," Kevin says quietly. "If I could think of a way to not hurt you, I'd do that. But being gone isn't working, and being around clearly isn't either. What. Just tell me what to do, Joe, and I'll do it."

Kevin doesn't know, if it were yesterday, if he would even hear Joe mutter "Choose me, not her" under his breath. But it's today and he does hear it.

"Would that help, Joe? Would it make a difference?"

Joe turns to Kevin. His face is stricken for a moment, but it smooths out quickly. "Does it matter? Would you actually do that?"

All of the sudden, Kevin doesn't know. He's married, happily married, but he isn't sure whether or not to leave his wife for his little brother's sake. Yesterday he'd have laughed at the suggestion.

"Joe. I." He doesn't know how to answer, how to put his swirl of feelings into words and then all at once Kevin wonders how it's even a question. "Yes. Of course. I love you. Your happiness matters."

Joe makes a tiny sound, and all of the sudden he's flipping a u-turn in the middle of a congested intersection.

"Breakfast?" Kevin asks weakly, clutching at the door.

"Fuck that," Joe says harshly. The curse startles Kevin more than the u-turn. Joe shakes his head quickly. "Just. I. You. We. Need to talk. At home."

Joe doesn't say anything, just drives fast. They weren't all that far from his house to begin with.

Joe's fidgety as he locks up his car and heads for his front door. A knot is forming in Kevin's stomach. He doesn't know what's going to happen next, hasn't known what to do since he booked his flight to LA hoping against hope that he could somehow help Joe.

Joe opens the door, again polietly holding it for Kevin. Once the heavy door is slammed shut, Kevin finds himself pressed against it, eye to eye with Joe.

"Been wanting this," Joe says softly. "For so long."

It's been a long time since Kevin's had a first kiss. And if he ever thought about Joe's kissing style, and he might have, late at night, trying to push thoughts away, he didn't imagine it like this. Sweet and almost chaste, just lips pressed together.

Joe sighs softly and parts his lips just slightly. Kevin's licking his way into Joe's mouth before he really has time to think. He wraps his arms around Joe's waist and holds on tight.

Joe melts into Kevin, molds himself into the embrace so naturally, like they've always done this. Kevin guesses in a way they kind of always have.

Their kiss ends naturally and when Kevin makes no move to let go first, Joe tucks his head into the crook of Kevin's neck with a soft sigh.

He seems nervous, tentative in a way Joe never should be. Kevin rubs at his back soothingly.

"Hey," he says softly, just to reassure Joe that he's there. That he's not freaking out even though he really, really should be. "You okay?"

Joe shrugs against him. "Happy. Kinda freaked out. Scared."

Kevin chuckles. "I feel exactly the same."


End file.
